A Note from Auntie Logy

[Eds. note: This is the sixth is a series by Gae Rusk under the column, "A Note from Auntie Logy." To read more from Auntie, scroll down or click on the link in the sidebar to the right.]

on
Running for Office


Auntie Logy is thinking of running for office. This current election has inspired Auntie to maybe take the plunge into politics, but when Auntie said this out loud last week at bowling league, the whole team cried out, Make sure you can swim in poop! And, Make sure you’ve had all your shots! They were saying things like that all morning, which put Auntie off her game, so Auntie went home with a bowling score like a round of golf.

But all this got Auntie thinking. If – and that’s one big IF – if Auntie Logy ran for office in one future election, what would Auntie talk about? What would Auntie support? What would Auntie Logy stand for.

So Auntie began to make one big list of positions on issues, and the first thing Auntie thought of is to raise the drinking age to 35. This alone would solve a number of public and private problems on Kauai. If you don’t believe Auntie, just ask the families of Kauai’s many alcoholics.

Then Auntie wrote down the idea of limiting helicopters and small planes to flying only offshore. That way, their noise and invasiveness would be farther away from Kauai’s residents, who have somehow become less important than the tourist-based helicopter companies. Then when those planes and helicopters fall out of the sky, which they do more and more, they would land on water and not on Auntie and her neighbors.

If nothing else, Auntie would introduce a measure encouraging all home owners to write angry messages in giant letters on their roofs, messages like “Sky Scum!” and “Tourists Go Home!” Do not scoff at Auntie Logy for suggesting this, it has worked before. Several years ago, one of Auntie’s neighbor’s cousin’s nephews painted “Fuck You” on his roof in Hanalei Valley, and guess what? Helicopters stopped whacking Hanalei Valley to death! The families living there finally regained peace and privacy, because helicopter companies did not want their passengers to see how unpopular and unwelcome they are, especially after charging tourists several hundred dollars each to take those cursed flights.

Next Auntie Logy decided the issue of requiring an EIS for the Super Ferry is not dead, even though Linda’s email this morning claimed so. Auntie says, Oh yeah? Well, if it’s such a big State supported project, then let the damn cars getting off the Ferry drive on State roads and only State roads. After circling Nawiliwili Harbor for 12 hours, they’d never bring their cars to Kauai again. Auntie believes Kauai’s families need to staunchly defend our County’s environment and infrastructure from an insidious invasive species – the State of Hawaii Department of Transportation.

Auntie knows the issue of the Super Ferry is a huge example of off-island ownership, a devastating problem for Kauai, one that would need to be front and center in Auntie’s campaign. For many, many years, Auntie has seen the movers and shakers in Honolulu pay no attention to the opinions of citizens on the outer islands. Those Oahu leaders, they all sit on the same committees and the same boards and belong to the same country clubs, which Auntie thinks is kind of creepy. Their decisions are never based on the best interests of the outer islands. Look at the shabby situation they created for patients and staff at Wilcox Hospital. Look at the decision not to build Maui a desperately needed new hospital. Look at the Super Ferry controversy.

Auntie says these Honolulu power brokers have developed an arrogant culture of outer island ownership without actually living on any of the outer islands, without really caring about the outer islands except for vacation time and big profits. Because of this Oahu-centric attitude, Auntie Logy says it’s time Kauai votes these people and possibly the State of Hawaii off this island.

What other positions could Auntie take? Oh yes, this one is important. Auntie’s dear, sweet tutu needed so much help at the end of her life, so much pain she was in. Our lovely, wonderful tutu suffered and suffered, so we all, every one of us, willingly committed the crime of buying cannabis for her. Cannabis was the only medicine that allowed her any distance from her condition. Cannabis was the only medicine that gave her a plateau of sanity. Not just Auntie Logy but the entire ohana became criminals to buy cannabis for this beloved elder to help her through the chemotherapy and the agony of her illness.

So yes, one of Auntie Logy’s positions is to get rid of the moronic law that made our ohana into a gang of criminals. Auntie is insulted by moral nazis who support such ignorant laws. Auntie would like to see the enforcers of this stupid law go to jail for life for continuing such cruelty. If elected, Auntie promises to speak out loudly against such unqualified, mean-natured incompetents running our society.

What else? Oh yes, housing for Auntie’s children, or at least access to a permit to expand Auntie’s house, which ever comes first. Possibly great-grandchildren will come before a permit, so Auntie would run for office on the platform of firing the Director of Planning and the entire Planning Department. Auntie also supports making all longtime members of the Planning Commission resign. They must be either inept or evil, because they have deliberately pointed Kauai toward illogical ruin. Auntie Logy believes any citizen who love Kauai would vote for sweeping that unqualified, possibly dirty deck clean. Auntie could probably win on this point alone.

There are so many issues to make Auntie Logy run. Auntie writes and writes letters of protest, but running for office? That will take some consideration, because Auntie has just a few little secrets that some opponent might exploit. Auntie knows this seems impossible, but remember Auntie Logy went to college in the ‘70s.
So, running is a possibility, but more on that later, because right now Auntie has to run. Mahalo nui loa for listening, you always make Auntie feel so much better. Want to go bowling sometime? Just let Auntie know. A hui hou.


Please note: Antilogy is an inconsistency or contradiction in terms or ideas,
causing controversy and discussion.


Gae Rusk copyright 2006

Kauaibackstory.com Announces Winners of 2006 Creative Competition

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE


Kauaibackstory.com congratulates the 2006 “Kauai on my Mind” creative competition winners Lois Ann Ell for her essay “Makawauhi Cave,” Juan Lugo for his narrative poem “The Hitch-Hiker in Old Lihue Town,” Mary Hunter Leach for her photograph “Misty Palis,” and Kimie Sadoyama for her poem “Filipinos.”

Winners and runners up (see list below) are invited to read and share their entries at Small Town Coffee Company in Kapaa on Monday, November 13, 2006 at 7:00 p.m.

Starting November 14, the submissions of the contest winners and runners up will begin posting on www.kauaibackstory.com.

Kauaibackstory.com is a venue for rigorous writing with a view about Kauai. Year-round, the on-line literary journal welcomes high-quality writing and thoughtful images from the public. All submissions are moderated by a three-person editorial board, however, not all are posted. Kauaibackstory.com encourages the expression of all voices and delights in words and images that shift thinking and open minds. Much like an on-line blog, kauaibackstory.com encourages interactive dialogue with the hopes that the time-honored tradition of kama'ilio, talk story, will build community and understanding.

Submissions must be pasted into the body of an email and sent to kauaibackstory@yahoo.com. There is no word limit—brevity is good; however, quality is better. Please acknowledge if the writing has been previously published and where/when. Visual images must be sent as jpg attachments.

Runners Up:

Richard Diamond for “The Party Dress”
Kerith Edwards for “Hems of Her Skirt”
Keahi Felix for “Mourning Bouganvillea”
Dawn Kawahara for “We Mourn Your, Raymond Napoleon”
Suzanna Kennedy for “I Surrender”
Kimberly Kirk for “Makuahine”
Mary Hunter Leach for “Wild Sea”
Charles Looney for “Walking Trail”
Coral Miles for “Returning to My Island Home”
Rocky Riedel for “The Blessing”
Carrie Rautmann for “Morning Dew” and “Homeward Bound”
Kimie Sadoyama for “Last of the Ma and Pa Stores” and “Relic of the Past Looking into the Future”

# # #

Neighborhood Dogs

by Lois Ann Ell

She swaggered into the yard, swollen nipples swaying beneath her.
A broken metal chain followed silently behind her, their roles now reversed.
Her muscular brown body moved slowly in the grass.
The ones in the yard, unexpected by her presence, had mixed reactions.
The men tensed, for the breed alone made them bristle.
The baby smiled, for the dog’s panting face looked like a smile. Was it?
The yard dog hesitated, not sure whether to protect or play— and the chain trailed fast toward him.
At first smells, sniffs, slight movements.
These first few seconds
These first few moments
All yard eyes on them
Hot Kapaa sun
Everything, everyone is waiting, watching.
And then her eyes glaze, become cloudy,
Or perhaps very clear
She lunges into his neck
Locks on
As they do
Rips through fur, through flesh, through fear
One man tries to pull them apart
One man picks up the baby
And another reaches for a cement block.

Portrait

by Pam Woolway

She sat in front of Anahola post office with her walker
placed before her. She watched me pull into the parking
space, turn off the ignition, shift into park and step
onto the asphalt. She smiled at my dogs in the bed
of the truck. Leaning into the wall, I lingered
awhile to talk story. She told me she was waiting
for the bus. I offered her a ride home. She declined
saying that the bus driver would worry if he arrived
and she wasn't there. She mourned the loss
of her license two years ago. We talked about
freedom. Then, she looked at me with her clear,
brown eyes and said---in a tone I've used when I'm running
late for an appointment or on a Sunday night before
bed when I'm preparing for the coming week---she said: I'm already
91 years old. As if she had only just discovered it that morning.

For Our Children

By Kim Steutermann Rogers

A little encounter at the Maui airport: Two hours early at my gate, I jot notes in my journal as a quiet man named Henry Atay brushes crumbs, bits of paper and other debris off the carpet. He empties trash bins, polishes railings, and we talk about the brush fire raging for four days now along the west Maui mountains. He says it’s only 50% contained. He says authorities are not sure the cause—be it arson or accident. He shakes his head and says it’s not the visitors who litter our islands, it’s the locals, our kids. He says he sees young guys smoking cigarettes as they drive, holding cigarettes between thumbs and forefingers, hanging their arms out their windows and down the sides of their car doors until—cigarette singing their fingertips—they toss it aside; and he stops his cleaning to look at me with eyes soft and brown like the hint of his Polynesian nose.

Another encounter, earlier in the morning: I am leaving the hotel; it’s 6:00 a.m. and the sun is washing the same, smoldering west Maui mountains, smoke rising to greet morning mist. I ask the bell captain about the windmills dotting a nearby ridgeline. He tells me they produce 10% of the island’s electricity, yet those people up there, and he nods in the direction of gentrified Wailea, they complain, he says, the white windmills blight their views of paradise; and he turns to me, “But it’s for our children, yeah?” he says.

“Yeah,” I say, and I look up there at those houses with the views where our children don’t live, and, later, I’ll think, yeah, for our children, our cigarette-flicking children.